Sunday, February 5, 2017

What I'd Rather Be

If you must know
I will tell you
the decision I made with myself

I’d rather be broken and bloody
than warmed in a realm of just comfort
I want to feel rage, to fall amongst the stars
open and raw
fire and ice all at once

I’d rather the scars and the burning
than numbing to hide from the fear
I want it to singe the edges of my sanity
Let me die of heartache
and be reborn by the magic of the sea
washed to shore in pieces
but stronger than ever before

I’d rather be broken and bloody
because the marks left behind 
will sing of my rebellion
the dirt under my nails can whisper the tale 
of how I clawed out of my own grave

and from time to time
I might crack
I might waiver
but in my earnest refusal
I will rise
for I was born in the belly of a storm
and I am a child of its carnage

and when you are choking on the ashes 
you can see the way hope has etched itself into my spine
amidst the tears and gnashing teeth
in between the skewed heart
in that middle place 
I have woven myself back together

And you can see
in a brilliant contrast to the darkness
the stitches
you can see my unconquerable soul

I used to be the one laughing with glass shards in my mouth
howling hollow words into the night
and feeding the sickness
the idea that we are porcelain
unmoved by this world
and I looked out from eyes that refused to see
ate my unsaid words 
and gorged myself on fear

It’s funny to think of how starved I was
how I neglected the fruits of truth 

So, my dearest ones
my fellow stumblers
thats what we are
stumbling about through the wreckage
licking our wounds and setting fire to our bones
let us feast together on things of substance
let us rejoice in the trials
we can dance together until we have ground our feet into dust
we can tend to the truths and mistakes
and cry and be broken 
we can acknowledge regret and
 then lay it to rest and move forward
in our imperfect dancehall.
Let’s each take a seat side by side
join hands
and let ourselves unravel
then stitch ourselves back together again
as one

I’d rather be broken and bloody
with my brothers and sisters alike
be weak and then become strong
sing to the moons
and burn with the sun
and delight in the changes we have begun

As long as I’m here
I’ll be dizzy and lost
searching for the steps to the song
it’s slow and deranged 
and I can’t get enough
and I won’t stop until the Earth claims me

I won’t stop until I am one with the Frost



  1. So passionate and strong! I had to read it out loud and let it soak in. It is very empowering. I'm gonna go climb a mountain now...


Cali Dreamin

I have found a place amidst the wasteland of myself you can see straight through to the bottom clear, and bright like liquid sereni...