Monday, April 24, 2017
Can you guess what has bested me today?
An unmeasurable power
bound only by those who choose to see it bound.
It’s weightless as it seeps through a set of teeth
only to settle
and crush any hearts that have been let off their leash.
I’ve decided to bequeath this day to you.
Even rodents and scavengers deserve their day of glory.
swift is the passing of the sun from crest to crest,
swifter is my retribution.
Yes, you have won this day,
but even as you read this your glory fades..
seconds have passed and
I have stolen each one of them from you
using that same unmeasurable power.
Wednesday, April 12, 2017
why don’t we wear our beasts upon our heads
like festive furs for the world to see
because once we have been decorated
in our own depravity
made our missteps into music
something lovely emerges
from those unhinged jaws
echoes our song
and it is our own to keep
Monday, April 10, 2017
welcome love, to the wasteland and the wiles
oh won’t you sit beside and drink remains
of past dears and feast on silenced reconciles
never will you taste such fruitful stains
let’s dance until you’ve ground your feet to dust
sip quick this wine and pray for its delight
your eyes a verdant green, fresh and free of lust
no shade finds home in those that bring you sight
but smooth and sudden is the devilish grace
reveals a know in you unknown to me
a dazzling darkness plays about your face
then gone like wind on an unmoving sea
I reckon none intend to leave this game
never have two players been so same
Sunday, April 2, 2017
Each morning is the tacit foe that signifies our end
arrogant and gluttonous in its manner
thief of our light
and now here it is,
drawing me away from my dreamy chasm.
my lips yearn to venture down your spinal cord again
blissfully lost amongst your edges
I’ll never let go of our ruffled sheets
never forget the pricking of each hair
tousled effortlessly into the chaos of our kisses
the symphony of our limbs
I will find that place again
Even if I have to carve the sun from the sky
and pick its cosmic pieces from my flesh
Friday, March 31, 2017
Ever crave pizza?
Who am I kidding?! EVERYONE CRAVES PIZZA
but the aftermath of eating a huge slice of Pizza Hut is no fun for the tummy. So I decided to throw together a super yummy and nutrient dense pizza of my own!
I used Outer Aisle Gourmet Cauliflower pizza crust as my base. The crust is a little flimsy, but overall the flavor was amazing and I was happy! I put the nutritional information down below so that you could fully appreciate the product! 9g of protein???!!!! YES PLEASE
Toppings: (all of which are not measured and added according to preference)
- sautéed asparagus
- purple onion
- crimini mushroom (all three items I sautéed in a pan prior to cooking to ensure they got fully cooked! The crust only called for 15 minutes)
- arugula (just a handful)
- basil (fresh is best for both basil and garlic, but that might be the Italian in me!)
- parmesan cheese (I used Trader Joe's Brand)
- spicy italian chicken sausage! (HIGHLY RECOMMEND THIS/ they're fully cooked and all natural- also from TJ's)
Tuesday, March 28, 2017
There I was sitting in my softest, most forgiving sweatpants and tank top while the scent of coffee grinds meandered lazily through the shop. That day the subtle shuffle of people coming and going was catching my attention more than usual. It was, to me, a shouting reminder of the fact that there is an extremely accessible exit nearby that I can use. All in all Starbucks does a really fantastic job creating a tranquil work environment; there are plenty of outlets for the worker bee/student, the wifi is strong and FREE, and they always play the least invasive background music. I enjoy frequenting cafes for these reasons whether it is for my daily fix of caffeine, devouring tiny colorful donuts, or sucking up all the free wifi.
This particular endeavor into the world of Norah Jones playlists, and espresso add shots, I was attempting to begin the very first pages of my novel. For months I had been scribbling onto anything within arms reach when an idea decided to plant itself into my skull. Napkins, notebooks, notepads, computers, phones, even my arm (more than once). Now had come the time to ACTUALLY begin the writing. It gave me that “I just ate rotten thai food from last month” kind of feeling that sits hard and heavy in your gut. As I sat in this bustling Starbucks trying to scrounge around for the courage to start page 1, all I could hear was the sound of a frequently opened door. I didn’t hear the blender mixing up magical frappucino concoctions, or the barista calling out misspelled names, I heard the avenue of my escape being used by everyone but me! I felt the corners of my brain attempting to divert its attention on anything other than the beginning lines of my book. My eyes flicked around the surface of the dark wooden table I condemned myself to. Slowly, methodically, my line of vision traced along the lighter grains in the wood. I knew once I began writing I was done for, so I was finding any kind of distraction possible.
Why would someone consciously subject themselves to anything that creates such an upheaval of emotion? It seems somewhat masochistic of me to attempt writing a novel if the result is a surge of anxiety, nausea, and lack of sleep...but what I also experience is a crippling wave of joy. It’s the kind of feeling that tears up your insides and leaves them strewn across the floor, yet at the same time you are whole. This is why I make that choice.
There have been countless times when I begin writing something, my heart is in tangles, and the end result is this uncanny sense of enlightenment and release. The process is not easy, it’s scary. It is so scary that I often avoid it because once you begin, it engulfs your being and there is no going back. When I think of my writing and what it does to me, I imagine a stripping away of EVERYTHING and seeing all my fears laid out on a table, and then it nourishes my soul.
Now, there are other things in this world that we can experience that don’t dig as deep into you. To put it simply, they’re going to be nicer to you. I like to think of them as marshmallows, these surface level things. They’re sweet, fluffy, easily attained (over and over again), require little to zero emotions, and give you primal satisfaction. Marshmallows can come in a variety of flavors, if you will, and will make you happy. For me its singing.. loudly, off key, with an air microphone, and erratic swooshing arm movements. I would like to add that it’s immensely more fun if these things occur while I’m driving in my car! What a glamorous feeling; the windows are rolled down, fresh air is blowing my hair around, and if I play it just loud enough I truly start to believe I sound good. Yes, I love my faux rockstar abilities, but I inherit nothing more than a childish grin across my face. Happiness is something you can feel without any alterations in your core being, but I wouldn’t consider it true Joy if it didn’t shatter me from the inside out.
Imagine a day on the beach; the sweet, salty breeze interlaced with the sighs of each breaking wave. Warmth from the sun explores the expanse of your body while millions of sparkling sand bits sleep beneath you. As you lie in this moment you notice a faint drizzle of ocean kisses, and that you’re happy. Now I want you to think about that same sun, the respectable light in the sky just far enough to be pleasurable on your skin while sitting on the beach. The next thing I want you to do is imagine carrying the sun inside your belly. This is the difference between things that make you happy and Joy. Its like a giant cosmic firework has rooted itself within you, and sometimes it’s hard to tell if it is going to burn you alive.
I think it’s important to clarify that I don’t discredit the importance of having happiness in our lives. What I would like to do is coerce you into letting Joy ravage you. It’s so easy to turn away from things that are frightening and wild, intrusive and demanding. I understand! Writing is probably my greatest joy, and it gnaws away at me... constantly. It sets my bones on fire, but leaves me with some out of this world magic that brings me back to life. Happiness is what makes life fun, but it is surrendering to Joy that makes life worth living. It would be a colorless existence if you didn’t dare to carry the sun at least once.
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